It’s Both — Living in the Messy Middle

Reggie D. Ford helps people hold love and anger at the same time — without choosing.
This is a conversation about boundaries, trauma, and the both/and of mixed emotions. About navigating the messy middle of relationships when you love someone AND you're furious with them. For anyone told they need to "let it go" when what they actually need is permission to feel both.
Reggie shares why trauma complicates boundaries (you were taught your feelings don't matter), how to hold grief and anger toward the same person, and what it means to love someone without erasing the harm they caused. You'll hear why anxiety spikes when you're expected to choose forgiveness over honesty, and why starting over in relationships means setting boundaries that honor ALL of your feelings.
In this episode:
- How to hold love and anger toward the same person
- Why trauma makes boundaries feel impossible
- Grief for who you needed them to be
- Anxiety when forgiveness is demanded, not chosen
- Starting over in relationships with clear boundaries
- Mixed emotions without toxic positivity
- Navigating major life changes in family dynamics
- Emotional regulation when you're holding contradictions
If you're in the messy middle, this conversation offers grounded tools for personal growth—and permission to feel everything without anxiety about "doing it right."
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Get connected with Reggie D. Ford
- Follow Reggie on Instagram
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube

The messy middle of treatment-resistant mental health is knowing what you're supposed to do and still not being able to get there — no matter how many therapists, medications, or practices you've tried.
Liz Perez is a licensed marriage and family therapist who offers ketamine-assisted therapy in collaboration with medical providers. She joins Nikki P for an honest, demystifying conversation about what ketamine therapy actually is, how it works, who it helps, and what the integration process looks like — because the medicine is only part of it.
This isn't about selling a treatment. It's about expanding what's possible for people who are exhausted from fighting anxiety and depression with tools that haven't moved the needle.
— What ketamine actually is and isn't (it's not what you've heard)— Who it helps — treatment-resistant anxiety, depression, complex PTSD— How the dosing session works and what the "golden hour" is— Why integration is where the real work happens— What parts work and IFS look like when combined with ketamine— Safety, stigma, and what to ask before considering it
Educational content only — not medical advice. Always consult a qualified medical or mental health professional.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Get connected with Liz Perez, LMFT
- Learn more about Journey Clinical
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube

The messy middle of chronic illness is being in a body that's falling apart while the people whose job it is to help you keep telling you nothing is wrong.
Grace Steele was an adventurous solo traveler and graphic designer whose life changed almost overnight. After months of being dismissed, gaslit, and told her symptoms were anxiety, she was finally diagnosed with cranio-cervical instability and POTS — two conditions that had been slowly stealing her capacity to stand, eat, and function.
She joins Nikki P to talk about what medical dismissal actually does to a person, the grief of losing a life you loved before you even understood what was happening, and what it means to advocate for yourself in a system that keeps telling you you're fine.
— Medical gaslighting and the identity shift of becoming a patient— The transition anxiety of a body that suddenly won't cooperate— Why medical trauma makes you stop trusting yourself— How to advocate when doctors dismiss what you know to be true— Starting over when your entire life has to be rebuilt around illness— Grief for the future you'd planned before the diagnosis
This is educational content based on personal experience — not medical advice. Always consult a qualified clinician for your care.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Resources, supplies, and ways to get involved
- Follow Grace on Instagram
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube
 

The messy middle of ambition is this — you've been striving your whole life and at some point you realize the striving itself is keeping you from actually living.
Khalil Ekulona is an award-winning journalist, broadcaster, and host whose work spans public radio, television, and digital media. He joins Nikki P to talk about what it looks like to shift from ambition-driven achievement to inspiration-led presence — and the grief, the freedom, and the transition anxiety that comes with that identity shift.
They talk about what happened the week Khalil's brother-in-law died, he started a new job, and performed in front of 5,000 people — all in six days — and what that kind of duality teaches you about the cork in the ocean of life.
— The both/and of grief and joy existing in the same six-day stretch— Why overthinking keeps you in your head and out of your body— Inspiration vs. ambition as a life philosophy— The "universal record" — accepting what happened instead of what should have— Why wisdom from elders is one of the most underrated resources we have
For anyone who is tired of striving and wondering if there's another way — this one is for you.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How presence interrupts overthinking and restores clarity
- What emotional intelligence looks like when grief and joy coexist
- A grounded way to process uncertainty without rushing decisions
- Why letting go of “shoulds” creates more peace of mind
- How community and curiosity support personal growth during transitions
If you’re navigating ambiguity, emotional tension, or a season that doesn’t fit neatly into answers, this conversation offers language and tools to help you stay steady—right where you are.
Follow the show, rate & review on Apple Podcasts, and share this episode with someone who’s trying to find balance in the middle of it all.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Follow Khalil on Instagram
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube
 

Mixed emotions, hard decisions, big changes? You’re not broken—you’re human. It’s Both is a weekly show for people navigating the gray: where you can feel excited and terrified, grateful and wanting more, ready and not ready.
Hosted by therapist-turned-storyteller Nikki P, each episode gives you simple emotional-intelligence tools for anxiety, overthinking, and the hard decisions nobody talks about honestly. We cover decision making, boundaries, anxiety, identity shifts, faith, parenting, career pivots—real life, no toxic positivity.
Follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday. If you want practical language for what you’re feeling and a calmer way to move forward, hit follow—and let’s navigate the gray together. Because life isn’t either/or… it’s both.

The messy middle of living your truth can cost you everything you built your life around — your community, your career, your sense of belonging — and still be the right thing to do.
Paula Stone Williams transitioned genders at 60 after decades as a prominent evangelical pastor and national church leader. Within 24 hours of coming out, she lost all her jobs, her pension, and most of her friends. What followed was one of the most profound identity shifts a person can undergo — starting over from nothing, in a new body, in a world that sees you completely differently.
She joins Nikki P to talk about what authenticity actually costs, what it feels like to experience the world as both a man and a woman, and why belonging and truth so rarely coexist — and what you do when you have to choose.
— The identity shift of answering a call you can no longer ignore— Grief for community lost by telling the truth— Starting over at 60 when everything you built is gone— What privilege looks like from both sides of gender— Why belonging sometimes demands you stop being who you actually are
If you've ever had to choose between who you are and who others need you to be — this one is for you.
Resources & Links: 
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Connect with Paula Stone Williams
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube
Thank you again for listening and remember,  life isn't either/or, it's both.
 

The messy middle of starting over isn't always a choice. Sometimes it's the only option — leaving everything you've ever known for a country you've never seen, at 14 years old, with your mother and four siblings and no roadmap for what comes next.
Abdikadir Mohamed spent 14 years in a refugee camp in Kenya before resettling in the United States. He joins Nikki P to talk about what it actually feels like to live between two worlds — the one you survived and the one you're learning to navigate — and the both/and of excitement and terror, belonging and displacement, gratitude and grief that never fully resolves.
This is also a conversation about the current immigration crisis, the difference between a refugee and a migrant, and what it means to hold complexity when the political has become deeply personal.
For anyone who has ever felt caught between who they were and who they're becoming — this one is for you.
Resources & Links: 
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube
Thank you again for listening and remember,  life isn't either/or, it's both.

What does it mean to rebuild when half of who you were was built around someone else?
This is a conversation about starting over after divorce — that gap between who you were as a couple and who you're becoming alone. About navigating the messy middle of major life changes when your identity was entangled with theirs. For anyone starting over and wondering who they are without their partner.
You'll hear about the grief of losing not just the person but the version of yourself that existed in the relationship, the anxiety of rebuilding from scratch, and how to hold mixed emotions (relief AND sadness, freedom AND loss). This is about life transitions that force you to redefine everything, and learning that you can mourn the marriage AND celebrate the fresh start.
In this episode:
- Grief for the identity you built as a couple
- The anxiety of starting over alone
- Navigating major life changes in relationships
- Mixed emotions: relief and sadness, freedom and loss
- Rebuilding identity after divorce
- Emotional regulation when everything feels contradictory
- Fresh starts without erasing the past
- Boundaries with your ex
If you're considering divorce, in the thick of it, or rebuilding after a breakup, this is your companion for the messy middle—language for your feelings, steps for your next move, and hope you can hold without anxiety about the future.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions- Learn more at freshstartsregistry.com & on Instagram: @freshstartsregistry
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube

What if the overthinking about whether you deserve rest is the thing keeping you from actually resting?
This is a solo episode about the anxiety of pausing, the guilt of rest, and why overthinking every decision to stop makes burnout inevitable. About navigating the messy middle of needing a break but feeling like you're failing. For anyone who can't rest without spiraling into guilt or panic.
I'm sharing why rest feels impossible when you've been taught productivity equals worth, how overthinking turns every pause into a moral crisis, and what it means to give yourself permission to stop without quitting entirely. This is about life transitions that require you to slow down, and learning that rest isn't giving up — it's how you keep going.
In this episode:
- Why overthinking rest makes rest impossible
- The anxiety of pausing (am I being lazy?)
- Permission to rest without guilt or justification
- Navigating major life changes when burnout forces you to stop
- Rest as survival, not luxury
- Emotional regulation when productivity is your identity
- How to pause without overthinking whether you deserve it
Because rest isn’t failure. And slowing down doesn’t mean giving up.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- Sign up for Hungryroot and get $50 off your first box
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube
 

What does it cost to lead when you're "the only"?
Dawn Stone, the Conflict Chick, knows what it's like to navigate leadership as the only Black woman in the room. This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of major life changes in your career when microaggressions are constant and burnout is inevitable. About the anxiety of code-switching, proving yourself, and carrying representation. For anyone leading while being "the only."
Dawn shares what it's like to mentor others while managing microaggressions yourself, how overthinking every word and move becomes survival, and why boundaries feel impossible when you're already fighting for a seat at the table. You'll hear about the grief of what leadership costs when you're breaking barriers, emotional regulation under constant scrutiny, and starting over when you realize the system wasn't built for you.
In this episode:
- The anxiety of being "the only" in leadership
- Microaggressions and their cumulative toll
- Overthinking every word when you're representing your race
- Navigating major life changes in your career
- Boundaries when you're already fighting for space
- Burnout from carrying representation
- Grief for what leadership costs
- Emotional regulation under constant scrutiny
- Mentorship while managing your own trauma
If you've ever shrunk yourself to fit, questioned your worth in a room, or felt the pressure to be both exceptional and invisible, this one will hit.
Because life isn't either/or—it's both.
Resources & Links:
- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions
- Get Connected with Dawn Stone, The Conflict Chick
- Get Dawn's new book Unburdened here
- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts
- Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation
- It's Both on Instagram & Youtube